Stop Telling Women to Be Strong — It's Killing Us

trulyflavius
Jun 28, 2025
2 min read

**"You're so strong."

They mean it as a compliment. But every time I hear it, part of me crumbles inside.**

Because strong is what I had to be when I was falling apart. Strong is how I survived trauma, heartbreak, disappointment, and the expectations of everyone around me. But strong also became a mask. A performance. A prison.

We've created a culture that celebrates women for enduring pain in silence. That calls it "grace" when we bury our feelings. That labels vulnerability as weakness and glorifies emotional numbness as resilience.

And it's killing us.

We're in therapy, prayer groups, and hospital beds from the weight of silent suffering. We're walking into churches, boardrooms, and bedrooms with smiles on our faces and scars in our hearts.

It's time to say enough.

The Lie of Unbreakable Womanhood

Somewhere along the way, the phrase "strong woman" stopped being about courage and started being about suppression.

We're taught:

Crying is weak
Talking about your pain is attention-seeking
You can pray it away
You have to "keep it together" for the kids, the church, the brand

But in Scripture, women wept. Jesus wept. Hannah wept. Mary wept. David, a man after God's own heart, wrote entire psalms soaked in sorrow.

Weeping is not weakness.

Weeping is worship. It's sacred surrender. It's proof that your heart is still soft enough to feel.

What the Church Gets Wrong (Sometimes)

I love the church. But sometimes the message is "pray harder" instead of "let's talk about it." Sometimes we get told to "give it to God," but no one teaches us how to grieve in God's presence. We quote Romans 8:28 before we sit with someone in Romans 8:26: "We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

We're skipping the groaning.

We're rushing past the breaking.

And it's costing us our mental, spiritual, and emotional health.

The New Definition of Strength

Real strength is not silence. Real strength is:

Knowing when to rest
Saying, "I need help"
Admitting you're not okay
Weeping without shame
Walking away from what's breaking you.

If You're Tired of Being "Strong"

You're not alone. I wrote Weeping Her Way to Wholeness because I was tired of performing strength. I was tired of crying in secret and smiling in public. I wanted healing that didn’t require pretending.

This book is for you if you've been applauded for being strong but never held while you wept. If you've been surviving but want to start becoming. If you’re ready to let go and let God rebuild you from the inside out.